You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
