I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
