I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
