you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
