you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize