his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
