maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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