I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
