i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
