I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
