I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
