im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
