It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Randomize
