i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
