no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
