there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
