I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
