The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
