ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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