her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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