im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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