If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
