good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
