I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
