You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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