Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
