Ambien. No doubt about it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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