i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
