he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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