I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
