am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
