Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
