I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
