He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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