Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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