dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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