Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I am available for nakedness
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
