flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Everything about him screamed your future.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
