Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You are the jesus of drinking
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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