I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
