I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
