can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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