just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
