Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
