My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
