i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You've changed since you got that strap on
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
