the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
