My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
