Swine flu. Run for my life!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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