He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
