You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
