You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
