My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
