The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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