She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
