He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
