I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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