so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
