I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
