my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize