I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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