Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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