Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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