im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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