my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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