I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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