trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
