Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
