She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
