my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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