And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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