He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
