She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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