Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
