if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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